The Process of Reproduction
by Majestik Moose
Summary: Qui-Gon must explain to Obi-Wan how babies are made. Over a decade later, Obi-Wan must do the same with Anakin. Twoshot. Complete.
1. Chapter One

**The Process of Reproduction**

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Qui-Gon paced back and forth in a way that left an imprint on the carpet. He rubbed his hands together nervously and inhaled a deep, shaky breath of air. His heart pounded in his chest and his knees wobbled. He would have sat down, but that only made the anxiety worse.

Force, how was he supposed to do this? In Qui-Gon's opinion, the matter at hand should have been banned forever. But he knew it was impossible. The conversation at hand was inevitable and he knew it. Obi-Wan would find out about the process of reproduction one way or another.

He had just hoped someone else would tell him. A Healer perhaps, surely someone with medical experience would be able to explain to the fourteen year old boy how babies were made far better than anyone else could.

But it was not so. Qui-Gon knew it was his duty to insure that the Padawan knew how people came into this world. It was a natural, beautiful thing. Not something to be ashamed of at all. He had done the same thing with his first apprentice, Xanatos.

However, it was quite difficult to find suitable words in order to explain how it is done. Qui-Gon felt uncomfortable in naming the male and female body parts. Therefore, he was struggling to come up with various terms that might be easier to say.

Meanwhile, Obi-Wan Kenobi sat on the sofa and watched his Master pace to and fro across the room. He was patient. But after ten minutes, his patience was wearing thin.

"Master?"

Obi-Wan's voice caused Qui-Gon to jump. He stared at his Padawan with widened eyes.

"What did you want to talk to me about?" Obi-Wan's innocent eyes were wide with curiosity.

Qui-Gon felt his heart threaten to burst out of his chest. Obi-Wan was too young, telling him what sex was all about would probably haunt the poor child.

"Master..." Obi-Wan's voice broke through his jumbled thoughts once more. "If you have nothing to say then I'd like to go back to the garden…"

"No, no." Qui-Gon stopped his pacing and plopped down in the chair opposite of where Obi-Wan was sitting. "I need to talk to you."

"About what?"

"Creation." Qui-Gon swallowed the large lump in his throat. He suddenly felt very light headed...

"What about it?"

Qui-Gon paused for a moment, choosing his words carefully.

"How you were brought into this world. What created you."

Obi-Wan remained silent, waiting for his Master to continue.

"Um…" Qui-Gon searched for more words. "You've seen two beings kiss before, right?"

"Only on holovids." Obi-Wan nodded. "They use their tongue a lot."

"..All right…well…this is basically the same concept…but with different body parts, okay?"

"Okay…"

"Well…a man takes his…ahh…oh…um..." Qui-Gon inhaled deeply. "There's a bed involved."

"Like jumping on a bed?"

"Er…..yes, actually, it is very much like jumping on a bed.."

"That's always fun." Obi-Wan offered a small smile. Qui-Gon shuddered at the innocence.

"Clothing and garments are not exactly…on the body..during this process."

Obi-Wan's eyes grew wide. "Why would you jump on the bed naked?"

"I can honestly say I haven't the slightest clue, Obi-Wan…"

"Oh."

"Anyway. The male….well…he…uh…takes his….old chap...and places it inside….the females…um…bowl." Qui-Gon frowned at his choice of words.

Obi-Wan's eyebrows knitted together in confusion. "So an old, naked guy is jumping up and down on a bed with a bowl?"

Qui-Gon felt as though he was going to pass out. He had a feeling that this conversation was going to be the death of him.

"No, that's not what I'm saying. Basically…" He trailed off once more, an uncomfortable silence settling in the room.

Qui-Gon finally moved to the sofa and leaned in next to his Padawan. He whispered the happenings of sex into his apprentice's ear very quickly. When he pulled away, Obi-Wan was looking at him with an unreadable expression.

Then he broke out into a grin.

"Oh, that? We learned all about that in class two years ago!" He stated cheerfully.

Obi-Wan had no idea why his Master passed out right there and then.

* * *

**A/N:** Heheh. No idea where that came from. Hopefully it was a wee bit amusing. If you're a Ewan McGregor fan, you might know where I got the "old chap" bit from. :)

The next chapter deals with Obi-Wan explaining the same thing to Anakin, but with a much better punch line in my opinion.


	2. Chapter Two

**The Process of Reproduction**

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Obi-Wan was positive his body was going to shut down any moment. Judging by the amount of pounding his heart was doing, cardiac arrest seemed like a very likely possibility at the moment. His body shivered at the chilling thought of what he was about to do. And on top of that, he couldn't think straight.

He wiggled in his chair, the same chair Qui-Gon had sat in over a decade ago when faced with the same situation. Obi-Wan now understood why his Master had been so nervous. The concept of explaining sex to a young one was a sensitive topic Obi-Wan really didn't feel like going through.

But it had to be done. Anakin would eventually learn it the same way he had as a child, in class and from a teacher. But Anakin wasn't in the class just yet. He was too young for it. Obi-Wan felt it was best if the boy hard it from him rather than from someone else.

"Master, is something the matter?" Anakin asked softly, trying not to lose his patience.

"What? No, no, no. Nothing's the matter at all. Everything is fine. All is well in the universe." Words spilled out of Obi-Wan's mouth like a waterfall.

"Well, why did you want to speak with me then?"

Obi-Wan sighed and kneeled down before the boy. "Anakin, there comes a time in your life when you're required to learn of things which might sound revolting but are truly a beautiful concept. You'll be learning this later in life, but I think it would be best if I were to tell you first."

Anakin nodded, suddenly eager to see what his Master had to say.

'_Here comes the hard part.'_ Obi-Wan thought bitterly.

"Have you any knowledge of how babies are made?" He asked softly.

Anakin shook his head.

"Oh, well, stay tuned." A long stretch of silence filled the room as Obi-Wan picked his words carefully. "When a man and a women love each other, they get very close to one another -"

"Like you and Qui-Gon were?" Anakin's eyes were the size of saucers.

"No…Qui-Gon and I weren't quite that close…" Obi-Wan gulped. "What I'm trying to explain to you, Anakin, is sex."

"Sex? You mean like male or female?"

"No…well..yes…no. Wait…" Obi-Wan squeezed his eyes shut and tried to straighten the whole thing out. This was much easier said than done. "A man takes his...well…uh.." Obi-Wan trailed off. He couldn't bring himself to say the words out loud.

So, looking his Padawan straight in the eye, he sent a message through their bond which explained what a man had to do in order to impregnate a woman. When he finished, Anakin was giving him the most peculiar look he'd ever seen.

The boy sat back on the couch thoughtfully. His eyes were wide with wonder.

"Will it fit?"


End file.
